David Brent: Life on the Road Soundboard Edit

A bit Buble. A bit David Essex

A daily ritual is phoning around all the record companies,

A great night. They do it every month, you know

A proper loon. A dead bee

About a week ago

About halfway. Halfway- Come on

About time England won a World Cup, innit

Absolute- No

Accidents will happen

After show

Ah, all right

Ah, Mr Brent

Ah, Mr Brent

Ah, you'll see how sensitive I am to difference

Ah!

Ah! Thought so! You..

Ah..

Ah..

Air-conditioning, bunks

All aboard

ALL CHEER

ALL CHUCKLING

All good fun

All my mates were like, Oh, Brent, if she lost weight she'd be an absolute stunner

All right

All right then, I won't

All right, cheers. Bye

All right, Lionel- What you up to today- No

All right, Lionel, are you worried about AIDS

All right, Lionel, I'm just making some dinner

All right. Call when you get here

All right. Cheers

All right. Do I have to come

All right. Good

All toiletry needs, really

Also hotels, rider

Also, you might get in trouble

Although they are having the last laugh

Always hungry

Am I right

And a better warmed up crowd you play to

And a rep

And Brentertainment

And going to get A&R people along, get signed, put an album out

And he came over and said he wanted to manage me

And he can pop down. OK

And he didn't literally say it out loud, because his wife was there,

And he looked at me,

And he was shopping with his wife, holding hands with kids,

And he worked with basically nice people

And here he's not the boss, you know,

And how did it feel when people were just walking around, going,

And I always say, Yes, the handicapped

And I didn't want to piss off that crew

And I find him an irritant

And I found myself again, you know,

And I started to do what I do best, entertain

And I think for David especially, it's important to believe that

And I would have spent that money by now

And I'd say David is, sort of, the personification of..

And I'm sure he'd love to see me do well

And I'm thinking, What's she writing

And if I get signed, it's all been worth it

And it works with anything. It does. It does

And it's about time someone said something, so..

And it's his dad that's the white one

And it's mainly worse because the world's worse

And it's, um, a guaranteed crowd

And not because he's a black man

And not... Maybe people don't find him funny, but I do

And now I am going to spend it on rock 'n' roll

And now it's like some kind of Ebony and Ivory, urban sidekick deal

And now we've got to go and have a drink with him, you know

And one of the best soul singers that's ever lived

And saying, Oh, will you do a rap on this, do a rap on that

And she did lose weight

And she wasn't bubbly any more. Bit grumpy

And some of them are worth as much as I've put in now, so..

And Sting is cool

And tell them not to tell anyone I'm paying them to have a drink

And that was the whole point of doing this. 16 tickets sold

And that's in this. It's sort of a warning

And that's not fear. That's like, Let's do this

And the band have insisted I have my own dressing room, which is..

And the saddest of all...Mammogram

And then before I knew it, he was, like, doing his own songs

And then, like, eight bars of this. Yeah

And then, the ghost of Alexander O'Neal

And they're just half bottles, so it's not worth it

And we battle it out

And we got a massive whip-round going, and we, um, we got him a..

And we have to sit there with our instruments,

And we're... I've booked some gigs

And you could just drive to each gig

And you only got one point on Sausage or Pie

And you owe it to the world to do this. So..

And you're away

And, sort of, slaughtered them and enslaved them

And, uh, you know, am I a free willist- I'm a do-as-thou-willist

And, uh, you'll also learn why they don't like

And, um, and she wasn't a stunner, which was very disappointing

And...he does brighten up my day a little bit

Andy. We have got Mike and Steve. They're brothers

Another day, another dollar

Anyone want to go on early- We're not going on early

Anyway, so you're back, and you're giving it another go

Anyway..

Apparently, just wanted to stay somewhere cos her flat's being done, isn't it

Are we talking bunse- Well we're certainly not talking English

Are you available- Is it something you actually want to do

Are you hoping to change people's opinions of you this time

Are you nearly done

Are you sure you want a pun war with me

As long as I've got me woman, you know, you can do what you like, Lord

As soon as he's around women,

As the lead singer in the band Foregone Conclusion

At least I enjoy my music. Do you know what I mean

At least let me clean it for you. I said I didn't want to look,

Ate her way through the minibar. What

Awful name. I told them that. Yeah

Back in 2000 and..

Back on the phones then. Yeah

Back to back

Backing track at a Battle of the Bands

Ban it- Why- It's a drug, yeah

BAND MEMBERS LAUGHING

BAND PLAYING

BAND PLAYING

Basically, I say a manufacturer's name, and you tell me if it's a sausage or a pie

Battle of the Bands, innit

Because he doesn't have a record deal

Because he's a man

Because I need you to. Trust me, it'll be fun

Because I've secured an interview

Because it sounds like a dis, though. It's not a dis

Because it's just... It just puts me off my work

Because it's never been released, and it's never been released

Because originally I'm from Reading,

Because you can't ever guarantee

Because, uh, the Slough posse would be like, Oh, you traitor

Because...you just gotta hope and pray deep down

Being called Red Indians any more

Being educationally subnormal

Being made redundant, and the whole fame thing,

Bit of a cock-up

Black. Well, mixed race

Body, mind, and spirit. I've done that, so... I'm empowered now

Bollocks

Book a tour bus. Beautiful tour bus

BOTH IMITATING BLOWS LANDING

Break a leg, Pauline. It is just from you, is it

Brentmeister

Brings a little sparkle

Briony

But as I said, be aware... Hmm- I will

But as of now, this dude has not ****d anyone

But at first, life on the open road. It's in my blood, uh..

But at the same time, they know it's what I want and deserve

But at the same time, you know, you go where the money goes

But definitely gambling. Swings and roundabouts

But don't hold that against them. Mm-hm

But he doesn't really know the rules of the game

But he is now doing two years for 11 different counts of sexual assault

But I am sitting with one of the original docu-soap stars,

But I could see in his eyes, he was saying, Kill me

But I think people would accept him if he just was himself

But I turned it round, you know

But I'm going to use that time to create a buzz

But I'm not getting paid- No. No

But I've been winding up a record company and they're sending someone down

But if no-one's coming to the gigs..

But if you want to do some banter with them, like,

But is there anything you won't joke about

But it was nice to have a lie-in... Yeah. ..and have a lovely bath

But it's all like, Oh, what if you fail- Be prepared

But it's not better, it's worse. Why is it worse

But keep the drums sounding big though

But no that we're not... I wouldn't. Not with him

But their time is their own and, um, you're not paying for that. So..

But with... You know. Although some women do..

But you didn't. No. No

But you kinda know he's going to ruin it a little bit

But you know that was just you thinking that, don't you

But you pay people well,

But, as you know,

But, I mean, we're both just trying to make it, you know,

But, nah, not for me

But, uh, I'm not good... with needles or pain

But, uh, stars from reality TV shows,

But, um, he is the worst person, um, around women I think I've ever seen

But, um, they hadn't really weathered as well as me

But, you know, let them know there is a big buzz around Mr D Brent,

By a T-shirt gun. You know, let's not make a drama out of it

By pretending to be the manager of my own band

Bye

Bye-bye, nine to five

Bye. Bye

Call me a ****a. Please

Called Ain't No Trouble

Called Wernham Hogg. Yeah. That's right. Yeah

Can I have a look- Yeah

Can we get a bit of bass

Can we stay

Can you do cash- Yes

Can you fucking keep it down- Yeah. Can you keep it down

Can't get anyone along

Carrying shopping, papoose with a new baby in it

Cash in hand- Like this

CELL PHONE RINGING

CHANTING

Check it out. Listen

Checking all the sound and..

Checking in

Cheers

Cheers

Cheers, David. Thanks, man

Cheers, man

Cheers, man. Yeah

Cheers. Cheers, mate

Cheers. Cheers. Thank you

Cheers. Right

Chill out, dude. This is rock 'n' roll

Chocolate, champagne. Cheers

CHOMPING

Chris Martin's best friend is Jay-Z

Clever

Clever!

Come in

Come on

Come on, chop-chop. Yeah. Ah, whoo!

Come on, let's do some work now then

Come on. Yeah

Come on. You don't wanna do that

Come through. We're all in this together

Comedy, music, poetry, philosophy, whatever, you know

Cool, dudes

Cos he thought it would be better than the first time

Cos it's a student union

Cos they're probably not used to the big league,

CROWD GASP

Dan. My usual engineer

David Brent. Hello

David Brent. Oh, hi

David Brent. Shite Night

David is, he's onside

DAVID SIGHS

David- Can I have a word- Yeah

David, we're gonna need your card. Yeah

David... Go on

David's David, isn't he

David's idea of problem solving

Deep down he's supporting me,

Desk, mirror

Did he talk about what it was costing

Did he... No, he just said it's going to...keep going

Didn't care- No, because..

Didn't know it was karaoke

Do you

Do you do it- What

Do you drive- You know I do

Do you know any good photographers

Do you know what I'm saying- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Do you think they noticed- Yes

Do you wanna close it- Huh

Do you want something hot inside you

Do you want to be part of that- Drive the gang

Do you want to have a guess

Do you want to see it- Nah

Doesn't matter what band you've come to see

Doesn't matter. Two

Dom was meant to come on during Native American and didn't

Dom- Hmm- Bob Marley

Don't blame you

Don't do the voice. You gotta do the voice

Don't know what

Don't look alike, do they- The beard's different

Don't matter

Don't read anything into that. OK..

Don't say that

Don't tell the boys, I don't want to stress them,

Don't think you can get more dignified than a great warrior, so..

Don't you want to tell them- No

DOOR BUZZING

DOOR CREAKING

DOOR SLAMS

Double denim- Yeah

Double M. Think

Dreadful. Embarrassing

Drugs raid!

Each band gets along as many of their fans as they can

Easy, fella. Easy. Sonia, give us a hand. Haresh

ENGINE STARTING

Er, ballooned up to about 16 stone at one point

Er, Japanese

Er, so my last day is next Friday

Er..

Especially if it is something like the Arctic Monkeys or..

Even if I get signed, I'm going to pop in. But..

Even more different. Her face

Every single lyric. Every single lyric

Everyone

Everything in this song is factually accurate

Except, you know, he's white and old and his music is terrible

Excuse me. Can we have the bill, please

Failure is not an option. Well, it is, David, isn't it

Fancy something hot inside you- Chance'd be a fine thing

First gig, Monday

First of all, let's get you noticed

Flippin' hell. Come here

For a drink- No need

For f... We, uh..

For me to make my demos, which was cool. And then,

For us, it's just, you know, we're out, and we're getting paid, and we're playing

Foregone Conclusion, Mark II

Frank Sinatra had Sammy Davis, Jr

Fray Bentos- Pie

From that

From that

From the Chinaman's perspective, at last, I flipped it

Fuck know... Fuck nose

Fuck knows

Fuck me

Fuck's sake, David. Well, I didn't do it, did I

Fucking hell. How old is he- About 12

Fundamentally, that's the main problem

Funny noise, funny organs

Gambling, prostitution, probably. I don't know

Get a cab then. I'll pay you back when you get here

Get that down you

Get the record companies down, get signed

Gets worse when you get older and then you get that sort of smell

Gives me the creeps to be honest..

Glad I said it didn't matter before I found out,

Go on

Go on. Have a look. No, no, no. Just do it

God

God, let's get it out the sleeve

Going off on tour

Good idea, in a way

Good, innit

Got a few more...gigs to book in

Got fit

Got one character called Lionel Fancy

Got some good players. They need to be managed, though

Great bunch of kids

Great, go to bed. Jesus

Guitar solo

GUITAR STRUMMING

Half the time we don't get through

Half the time, they're not there

Hang on, Alexander O'Neal isn't even dead, is he

Happiest I've been, probably, doing these sessions with a professional

Has he been telling everyone I got off with a bird last night

Have a good one

Have a nice time

Have I been on what- Wikipedia

Have some water

Have you been on Wikipedia

Have you had the dream again- No

Have you not eaten- Not since dinner

He can't drum any more. His back's gone

HE CLEARS THROAT

HE CLICKS TONGUE

HE CONTINUES CHANTING

HE GROANS

He hasn't any... Not yet, anyway

HE IMITATES GUITAR

He just has me rapping about a lot of weird shit, you know,

He might try to be funny,

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

HE SWITCHES DRYER ON AND OFF

He thought we hadn't done anything,

He went down. Tried to style it out

He'd be far better off, you know, having a couple of weeks in Marbella

He's a mentalist

He's basically an invalid now

He's excited. Going to tell the band

He's excruciating, uh, on stage and off

He's fripped it

He's going to help me, um, showcase some of my comedy characters

He's good. Ooh, from the horse's mouth

He's great when he's out with the clients. They love him, but..

He's just... He's a lovely bloke. I think he's brilliant

He's like the boy that owns the football

He's married now with four kids. Look at him there

He's not in it. He's just, you know..

He's on painkillers and physio, permanently, you know

He's only having a laugh. Look at him

He's out selling. Is he

Hello- Battersea Home for Retired Penguins. Maurice speaking

Hello- David

Hello, I'm David Brent

Hello, Lavichem

Hello. Oh..

Hello. Why do you talk to people like that

Hence, they're going to be happy for me. So, mixed emotions

Here they are. The rabble

Here they come. Come on in

Here we go

Here we go

Here we go again

Here we go!

Here we go. Playing hardball. Yeah

Here we go. Yeah. Come on, party

Here. I'm down here

Here's the band. Foregone Conclusion, Mark II

Here's the boss

Herro, my name's Ho Lee Fuk

Hey

Hey

Hey, David, you can't say that. You are

Hi, Sandra

Hi. Hi, David

Hi. Should be on the list for Foregone Conclusion

Him- Yeah

His catchphrase is, Chance'd be a fine thing

His dad was black, his mum was white. Get over it

His nickname is from the fact that he'd always turn up

His uncle didn't start till he was 40, which is weird

Hiya

Hiya. All right

Hiya. Hiya

Hiya. Hiya

Hiya. Right, OK

Ho Lee Fuk. Yeah

Hopefully I'll get a solid three-week block

HORN HONKS Keep the fucking noise down

Hotel

How are you spelling comin'- C-U-M-I-N

How are you- Brilliant. Never felt better

How many people did we get

I am following my dream

I am, a bit. HORN HONKING

I beat 'em here easy. The old Insignia

I bumped into him in Reading, down the Oracle

I can say it, maybe. You can't say it

I can't do anything right

I can't stand him

I could do one of my tracks. In that

I couldn't. Why not

I did try and get the old crew back together,

I didn't know it was a question. I thought it was..

I didn't really know whether to laugh or cry

I don't care about that shit!

I don't know what to do with him

I don't think all this is good for him

I don't think any of us could have predicted..

I don't think there's any real racism on David's part

I don't think they pay tax, do they

I fell over. Yeah, I know

I first met David,

I get inside your head

I got a minibar and it's..

I got one character called Ho Lee Fuk

I got one, uh, character called Dopey O'Leary. An Irishman

I guess like with most session musicians, you get, like, a call..

I had a nervous breakdown

I have to book the hotels

I haven't even time to change into my stage gear

I haven't got any clean pants. Huh

I just think he just doesn't quite get it, does he

I know how that looks

I know in your little documentary thing

I know, but we want a crowd, don't we- All right

I know. I'm saying get him in, get him up front. Let's get some goals

I let her keep the T-shirt, so..

I like it here

I like making people feel, more importantly

I like making people laugh

I like vinyl. I like vinyl

I love being backstage

I love making demos. I do it a lot, you know

I love puns. Highest form of wit in my opinion

I love sound checks

I managed to get one of them to bite

I mean, in some ways we're very alike

I mean, it's awkward

I mean, normally I have to shut my door when I hear him,

I mean, she's slightly overweight and likes apple pie

I mean, the rapper's all right, but..

I mean, wasting his holiday in trying to be a pop star

I mean, you think it's painful to watch

I never double denim. Always double denim

I never dreamt he'd be on that much

I never really gave up that dream, if I'm being honest

I practice the ancient medical art

I prefer it out here with the troops because we have a laugh

I prefer my songs to be factually accurate

I said I didn't want to look, didn't I- All right

I said, Sure, but let's do it big

I spent a little bit of time in a... a facility

I still think there's some mouthwash if you..

I think he's only doing it

I think I'm going to go and..

I think she'd left it a bit late in life and lost it way too quickly

I think they're thinking of me

I thought he'd be good at this. No, it's just that it's not..

I thought you said I shouldn't tell the band

I took out a lot of private pensions in the '90s, you know

I try to incorporate all my influences there, really

I used to have my own office. Better than that, in a way

I was dreaming it. Well, either way,

I was gonna have Slough, um, but that didn't tell the whole story

I was just in a meeting with, uh, Miriam. It's, uh, my black friend

I was rapping in this open mic thing in a pub in Slough

I was the head of that family. A lot more emotional for everyone

I was worried about this tour, he admits

I went out with a very big lady

I work for Lavichem

I'd do it with a black woman, for example

I'd given up

I'd like to see you live. Ooh, don't know

I'll double it

I'll get a plaster on that

I'll get people to come to the gig

I'll get to work on it, promoting it

I'll pay someone to get people to come to the gig. I will... PR

I'll send a cheque over

I'll... Snack, yeah. I'll clean that up

I'm coming

I'm currently a singer-songwriter, so..

I'm depressed. Oh, what's up

I'm going to make them change it. Don't worry about that

I'm gonna wait outside. See you later

I'm in the marketplace, so to speak. You know, young, free and single

I'm just not... not 100% sure what his it is

I'm just standing around at the side of the stage

I'm looking forward to the next gig, actually,

I'm no Lothario, believe me,

I'm not doing that any more... I'll tell you what

I'm not even a Native American

I'm not gonna do that. Call me a ****a

I'm not in that one. He's not in this one

I'm not weird-looking. You're the weird-looking one

I'm off now, David. See you later. Yeah

I'm one of the lads

I'm only actually used, when you check it,

I'm running out of money and I'm running out of time

I'm so fed up. Come on, mate

I'm sorry, lads. It's a complete joke

I'm sorry... Where did you get him from

I'm sort of my own boss, but we're all equal, so anything goes

I'm spending three weeks of my life on tour with this guy

I'm starting to regret having taken this on

I'm sure you didn't mean to cause offence, David

I'm the artist and the manager

I'm thinking of spending more money cos it's so worth it

I'm trying to fucking work, babe. Don't care

I'm up and down the country all the time, you know

I've been out with all sorts of girls

I've been putting all the gigs in, you know

I've booked a session today in a top-notch recording studio

I've given you a lift home several times

I've got one, too

I've just played here. I'm in a band

I've only got four days actual holiday leave left,

If I don't get signed now..

If my headspace is right, then the performance is better

If not, I'll have a day off

If they saw me at the weekend, they'd blow a fuse

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

If you tell the band I got off with a bird..

If you were consenting and above legal age,

Image. Yeah. Sex

INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS

INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS

INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS

Inside and out

INSTRUMENTS PLAYING

Ipso facto, anyone on his team

Is he OK- No, a bit low

Is he really out selling- Yeah

Is he really- Yeah

Is he- Yeah

Is it a fact, though- It's an artist's opinion

Is it Capital... Tadley FM

Is it- Yeah, I'm always going on about it

Is just to throw more money at it

Is Nigel out selling

Is Sting cool- No

Is that a woman- Course it's a woman

Is that it- Yeah

It can be arranged. Oh

It gives me an idea of what I could do, and that's the buzz

It goes,

It is hot

It is painful. It is painful

It not only gives the record company an idea of what I can do

It started off he was kind of managing me and, um, he was paying

It was a bit like The Call Centre, and you were a Neville of its day

It was Luther Vandross, not Alexander, who is dead,

It was mine, so..

It wasn't their head on a piece of dog shit, was it

It won't fit her

It'll cost you if you want a real one

It's a bit annoying. It eats up the budget

It's a bit new romantic but modern

It's a credit... It's not..

It's a good job I'm always sort of dressed for rock, innit

It's a new job description, innit

It's a sausage. Sorry. The clue was in the title, mate

It's about... It's the whole package with me

It's all here

It's all here

It's all social media, isn't it

It's bizarre

It's daft

It's dog eat dog

It's exciting, really, for him

It's for that little guy there

It's from Rocky, mate. It's from Rocky

It's good that we've found each other

It's good, innit

It's great. Yeah

It's his ball, right- So you have to... You can't play without him

It's how hard you can get hit and still keep moving forward

It's important. You off

It's just my mate

It's just not gangsta

It's just rude. Just go and ask them. Let's have a drink tonight

It's just..

It's like a little squat thing with that fat little throat and that

It's like a party on wheels

It's like a wall of Jenga that just... It just crumbles

It's like having a 15-year-old kid in the office, you know

It's like he can't relax, you know, and that's all he needs to do

It's like seven or eight random gigs over a three-week period

It's not a competition. You know, we could all get signed

It's not a lot right now, but, you know,

It's not like they're coming on to a married man

It's not really a tour, though, is it- Well..

It's on. Ooh. Yeah

It's our reputation, innit. That's the problem

It's the only reason I'm here- Yeah

It's their big Saturday night

It's through the eyes of an old Rasta

It's what the dreads in UB40 have been going through for 30 years

It's willpower, um..

It's, you know, where we're both from

It's... So, yeah

Jack

Jane, hello

Jezza. Sorry, mate, I'm talking, what- Just biggin' you up

Juice

Just a bit of weed

Just can't believe it

Just chocolate and crisps and nuts..

Just close the door. Yeah

Just do the songs, David

Just don't describe her. OK- Don't be specific..

Just getting some cash out to go to a club

Just how mental he is

Just say something to me

Just saying... Nothing happened. She slept in that bed. Didn't you

Just see if you like it. I will like it

Just trying to get one of them to come down and see you live

Just want to sit down

Just writing a song about the, uh, plight of the Native American, so..

Just, shh, OK... Call me a ****a. Shh!

Just... I'm just saying, just finish it, and let's, um..

Just...have a..

Keep selling. Where's Nigel

Keep the fucking noise down, you silly cunt

Keep the noise down!

Keeping an eye on us is, uh, head of sales, Andy Chapman

KNOCKING

Lady across the road from me has got a red Honda

Let's book a string of gigs

Let's do it. Let's rock

Let's get on there and win over the other bands' fans

Let's get this party started. Now..

Let's go and say hello

Let's just not... I've been trying to say..

Let's play a record. Let's get it out

Let's rock

Let's rock

Let's see all the bands, yeah

Life and soul of the party. And he knew how to party

Like I made the poster

Like me, not a corporate stuffed shirt

Likewise, I didn't want to have Reading

Likkle bit of herb, innit

Little bit of trivia, though

Look at that

Look at this

Look, aren't my plums a bit red, Doctor

Look, Nigel, don't start playing with all that crap

Look. He's already at work. I gave him the gig

Lovely Serena again. The one that plays hard to get

Luther Vandross. Oh, OK

Make some big bucks, get a fancy crib,

Makes me laugh anyway. I know most people don't get him..

Mammogram's nephew I was telling you about

Mammogram's nephew, Stu Monkford

Maracas. These are my knackers, more like

Martial arts- No

Maybe cos I'm there, he wants to play up to it

Maybe get inside your heart

Me knackers. Hmm

Mm-hm. Can I ask you a question- Go on

Mm,

Mm, who could that be

Mm. Dear

Mm. Nightmare, aren't they

Mmm

Mmm, beautiful eyes

Mmm, lovely. Bubbly

MO GROANS

Morning. Made you a coffee

Most people don't get me, but he does. So it's nice

MUSIC- Fashion by David Bowie

My dad was white. My mum was black. Oh

My favourite

My flexible friend

My good deed for the... £200 good deed

My last week, next week. Then I'm off

My mum used to say there's someone out there for everyone

My problem is I'm literally all power

My ugly mug

Nah, turn it up

Native Americans love to be called animals

Next week, yeah. See you later

Nigel gets it cos he's a bit cooler,

No

No

No more lugging round me albums

No point in playing to the converted all the time

No- Cheers. See you later

No-one knows

No-one's come through to see the first band on

No-one's coming to the gigs

No, because a lot of people thought it was very entertaining..

No, he meant it metaphorically in the movie, so..

No, he's good

No, I just thought... When I said it, I thought of..

No, I know. I don't want to, you know, worry 'em,

No, I was just saying

No, I'll buy

No, I'm all right. What is it

No, it doesn't, actually

No, it's all about how the white man went

No, it's right that the lead singer gets his own vehicle

No, no. Come on. We'll finish it up. No, no, no

No, that was then, this is now

No, that's it. No, we're not going to finish it up

No, that's wrong. I gotta take your first answer. It's actually..

No, we're going to have another one. Really

No, you don't. You do

No, you're all right. No, I can do it

No, you're the closest thing we've got, and that's a fact. So..

No. How old are the band

No. I just won't say anything. You can, but listen

No. I'm saying you shouldn't tell sexist jokes at all

No. It's just for clubs

No. So, rehearsal tomorrow

Not all this thing, You can't have foreign players

Not at the time. I burst into tears...and wanted to kill myself

Not even a little bit- Quite embarrassing

Not going to settle down just yet

Not hairy pie. She's a lezzer. I mean..

Not literally. In a joke. And the violence isn't the funny bit

Not many. But don't worry about that,

Not obviously. So..

Not the original band. Um, long story

Not the pie she's used to

Not you

Nothing happened. Huh

Now I decided to sort everything out

Now that guy really knows his sausages and his pies!

Now, for our listeners who've completely forgotten who you are,

Now, you've got seven to knock Christopher Biggins off the top spot

Now, you've never heard that track before

Of bloody pull yourself together, mate

Off on tour. Getting everything ready

Office

Oh

Oh, Arctic Monkeys. Yeah

Oh, David got off with a girl last night. And don't..

Oh, embarrassing. You caught me

Oh, for fuck's sake

Oh, God

Oh, God, I hope we get some sleep

Oh, God. Hi, boys

Oh, hello

Oh, hello, my name's Lionel Fancy

Oh, here they are

Oh, I love this one

Oh, it's hot

Oh, life on the road. Love it

Oh, man, that's going to make her even more constipated

Oh, my days

Oh, my God, I have to sit next to this nutter

Oh, my God, that manager, he's such an...idiot

Oh, no, that's awful. What

Oh, OK

Oh, right. OK

Oh, shall I put it on your room- Rooms. We're not..

Oh, there's Toblerone

Oh, we're out of time, I'm afraid

Oh, what, the big one- Yeah, we saw her. She was at breakfast

Oh, what's that- Is that blood

Oh, yeah

Oh, you fripped it

Oh, you're saying I should only tell them to men- Sexist

Oh. Wondered why she was always waving

Oh..

Oh..

Oh..

Oh..

Oh..

Oh..

Oh..

Oh...animal racist

OK

OK

OK, and do you know how many tickets we've sold for the next gig

OK, I'm going to cut the bullshit

OK, Madonna Kebab have pulled out

OK, um... So what do you want to talk about

OK, we got a little treat now. We are going to get a little bit funky

OK. Let's do it

OK. OK

OK. Right, see you. Yep. Bye. Cheers

OK. Ta-ta, then. Bye

OK. Tell them to meet me in the hotel bar after the gig

OK. Thanks for the snack and that. Not a problem

OK. That was Lady Gypsy by the chap sitting in front of me

OK. Well, violence against women is seldom a laughing matter

OK. Would they have a drink with me if I paid them for their time

On a radio station to sort all that out

On like two or three songs

On stage sound. Roadie

On the road is where I really come alive

One last push to see if I can make it in the music business

One size fits all

One, two. Oh!

Onwards and upwards

Ooh, lovely Serena. What

Ooh, no. Ooh, no! It's all right. It's not swearing

Ooh, stage fright- No, dignity

Ooh, yeah! Slough

Ooh!

Open your mind and listen. You'll enjoy it

Or am I..

Or gay people being ridiculously camp

Or he wants to be accepted

Or representing a cleaning products company,

Or who weren't even born when The Office was on TV

Or with them, just to be sure

Part of the problem is the fact that he explains

Paying them...to get off with people

Pelican's like a joke bird. No

Personal parking space

Pie. Sausage again

Pie. Wrong

Please welcome Dom Johnson. Whoo!

Please, Brent. No. OK

Plus the lead singer

Pog. Pog

Pop that in your little expense account, shall we

Power in the, not the political sense, or, you know..

Publicity shots. Let's do it

Pukka- OK

Put them on the radiator

Putting a tour together

Quite expensive, that bus

Radio interviews, press interviews, profile pieces

Radio No

Real name, Craig Monkford

Really

Reggie Mental

Rehearsals. Yeah, this is where it all happens

Relax, nice tan..

Rich girls, poor girls, white girls

Right

Right, I better say goodbye to everyone before I jet off

Right, see you later

Right, who wants a T-shirt- Yeah! Whoo!

Right, you're on first, guys. Great

Right. Off to the sound check. I can't wait to tell Dom

Right. OK

Right. OK- OK

Right. That's cos I said to him I don't want a fuss, so he went..

Right. Yeah

ROCK MUSIC PLAYING

Same again- No, I can't

Sat nav. So..

Saturday, innit- So..

Say hello to my little friend

Scarface

See how this tour goes. Never know

See you

See you later

See you later

See you later, guys. I'm off on tour

See you later. Bye

See you later. See you later

See you tomorrow. Lightweights

Seeing as you're here, can we just play Sausage or Pie- What is that

Separate rooms

Shame. Uh..

She ate all of that- Yes

She could write anything. He's a pervert. He's a loser

She hasn't got any clean pants

She is mental, isn't she- Well..

She makes me nervous. She's always writing notes

She stayed in that bed, and she made her way through that little lot

She was loading up on eggs

She won't get anywhere near it

She's going to be constipated. She is

She's happy

She's meant to big me up, make me feel better

Shut up

Sit fucking down, silly bollocks

Sky is the limit

So he didn't, er..

So I give them the squeaky-clean image

So I think that means this tour is gonna get better and better

So I will not laugh at them

So I'm staying in a... In a hotel

So I've got to take 11 days unpaid

So if you wanna come back for a drink,

So is everyone else

So is your white wine

So it's like, Oi, mate, I don't want any trouble

So it's some work and some food and somewhere to sleep

So knowledge is knowledge

So lesson learned. Be what you are

So listen

So now he's saying we gotta save money, so..

So perfect

So she was left with that sort of wattle thing

So Shotokan. One punch

So that's in your mind

So the more you get along, the later you go on,

So they can do what they like now in them reservations, can't they

So we think it's better I follow behind

So what do you want to talk about- Shoot

So what you lack in power,

So when the documentary team approached me and said

So you might learn something as well

So you want separate bills- No, no, no. Put it on my room, 106

So, all good fun

So, er, yeah, let's show them what we can do

So, I didn't even mention the gig

So, I think they'll enjoy it

So, I was on Prozac for about six months

So, it does make... It makes sense up there..

So, it's sort of like a message

So, just swapping the old Insignia for the tour bus

So, Native American

So, nothing happened. OK

So, nothing to do with cancer, um..

So, proves I'm telling the truth

So, that's what I've been... Mixed race, actually

So, there you go. Good one, the other one, left. Left to..

So, uh, did you hear the demo, yeah

So, uh, you might want to let them know they are with a winner

So, um, yeah, I went with something that's sort of all-encompassing,

So, what do you two do

So, what... So, yeah. Yeah

So, yeah

So, yeah

So, yeah, that's the plan

So, yeah. Sure. Yeah, OK

So..

So..

So..

So..

So... OK, and did Luther give you any other advice

So... Right

So...I'll just cash in another pension

So...someone got shot in the face

Something came over me

Sorry

Sort of like the dream team, really, some of these guys

Sound check

Speculate to accumulate. It's business

Starts with an acoustic

Still a few gaps. I'll be filling those

Still, his money, his life, innit

Stop fucking playing up to the cameras, yeah

Stop saying that

Stop talking. Let's just do the song. Yeah

Straight in the Toblerone, eh

Stu Monkford

STUDENTS- Yeah! Yeah

STUDENTS- Yeah! Yeah, thought so

Studio. MUSIC PLAYING

Sturridge

Stylus

Such as Made In Chelsea and The Only Way Is Essex,

Suddenly something just switches

Suddenly, like, he wanted to co-write songs

Sue me

SWISHING

Take your jackets off. Yeah, I will, actually

Taken the time off work,

TATTOO NEEDLE BUZZING

Tea, coffee, TV, bed

TELEPHONE RINGS

Tell him Brent sent you. He'll know what happened

Tell me about the band. That's what's happening

Thanks for coming down. What's your name

Thanks for the drinks, David. Yeah, not a problem, mate

That always helps with the old tonsils

That explains it

That followed the life of a paper merchant in Slough,

That got to me a bit

That I personally wouldn't normally rap about

That needs oiling

That sort of coming

That there's somebody out there

That was just ridiculous, really, wasn't it

That we can build, and get A&R along

That we end up staying in these hotels,

That would be great, yeah. I'm head-hunting

That's all booked

That's all right, you know, sort of

That's as stiff as you like and it won't damage your rug

That's bad, innit

That's cool

That's cumin

That's his name. He's a little Chinaman

That's it. I'm not doing any more

That's me. I live across the road from you

That's more you. You're in. Come here

That's not in there, is it

That's so depressing. Joking, ain't you

That's so... It's excruciating

That's the tour outfit

That's the whole package. That's what I'm talking about

That's there forever

That's what I think it is. Mind power, really, isn't it

That's what I'm going to do next. Get a PR

That's what I've been doing to finance all this

That's what makes me laugh, all this, Ban marijuana

That's what we're here for, so... The band

That's your credit card. It's not working

That's your credit card. What

The band- Of course. Yeah. OK

The council are putting a new bathroom in

The crappiest entertainment of the past 50 years

The drummer

The ghost of Alexander O'Neal didn't really come..

The gigs are shit, the band don't talk to me,

The iPhone, the iPod..

The lads started calling me Brentasaurus

The lyrics are a bit hot for you. X-rated

The office is going to be a bit quiet

The old credit card has taken a bit of a hammering

The venue, isn't it

Then snare a lucky lady. Yeah

There are guys here looking for opportunities

There have, yeah

There's a moment you can just hear his body collapse

There's a similarity there, you know

There's been quite a few moments like that, I think

There's four of 'em, 25 years old each. I don't know, 100

There's not a lot of room on there,

There's some fresh blood coming through the ranks now, though

There's two half bottles though. Yeah, exactly. So 50 then

These dudes are on my list. Tick 'em off

They don't do drugs

They don't even have a drink with me, do they

They don't really need explaining, do they

They don't talk to me

They said, uh, they'll drink with you for 25 quid an hour each

They said, um, that you pay for their stage time and rehearsal time,

They want to do a good job and they want to keep their job

They wanted to continue the Brent saga,

They're a good bunch of guys. Sure

They're doing a documentary about me

They're going tobe gutted when I'm gone

They're household names these days

They're like cool animals, bruv. All right

They're pissed off with me

Thin girls, fat girls

Things like Soaring Eagle, Running Bear, Lone Wolf

Think what I'd spend on her if we were having intercourse

This ain't like you

This documentary

This is a holiday, isn't it- It's what I love doing, so..

This is like Brewster's Millions

This is my last chance, you know

This is our story

This is the last one, actually, before the tour

This is what David is

This is what it's all about, so..

This is why we get on. Same level. Hang on a second

This isn't like, you know, when I left Wernham Hogg

This next song is about the greatest place in the world, Slough

This one is called Ain't No Trouble

This one's called Equality Street

This way

Thought she was mental

To have a drink with me- Go and ask them

To watch them. The promoter gets down some record companies

To your door with a different girl with big boobs

Toke Records. Hello

Tonight- Yeah. I said, Cruise down. I'll stick you on the list

Top banter. They call us Bant and Dec. Don't they

Top-of-the-range. State-of-the-art

Totally lost in the art of kata

Tour, record deal, stick an album out,

Triple threat. Music, comedy, wisdom

Trying to organise some beers after to celebrate, so..

Turn round and see plums in your face

Twitter. Or texting

Two

Two minutes. You got your stuff now- Come on, then. Hurry up. No

Two. One, two

Typical

Typical Brent, getting political straight away

Uh-oh

Uh, I went with Berkshire. You know, keep everyone happy

Uh..

Um, a surprise to everyone

Um, but when you're the office manager,

Um, but you buy the drinks

Um, but you do go on in order of how many people you got along

Um, but, you know, the... the tour's shaping up

Um, honk, honk

Um, I hope they haven't made a big fuss

Um, I say a little bit, but probably too funky for some

Um, in this case, not particularly,

Um, to show the scope of what I'm trying to do

Um, who wants a T-shirt

Um..

Um..

Under the thumb

Unless you count alcohol. That is a drug, innit- So..

Very good. Johnsonville

Visited me in a dream one night,

Voluntary, you know

Wado-Ryu would suit you cos you're wiry

Wait till you see the band

Waiting for the song to start. Yeah, it's..

Want an early morning alarm call- No

Was further than it was to your house

Was that champagne- Yeah, but it's 25 quid

Was that David- Uh, yeah

Wasn't great, but would have been better. There was a little surprise

Waste of time

Watch this space

Watching his back and the audience's faces

We are Foregone Conclusion

We are Foregone Conclusion

We can go on again. We've got loads of songs

We can't just play a song. Which... No

We did this to Pete Gibbons

We got beer, wine

We got one song, it's about rock 'n' roll, but it's a metaphor for sex

We have to consider everyone's feelings in the workplace

We play it with all of our guests

We play these games. Um, they know I'm available

We sell cleaning products

We will... Hang on a second, please- Why do you... Jezza!

We're going to have a laugh

We're gonna kick off with a song called Native American

We're just gonna, um, finish this

We're nearly there

We're selling these, but I'm going to give one away now

We've been in a lot of bands together,

Welcome to Foregone Conclusion, Mark II

Well done. Welcome

Well I've done one session with Dom. It was meant to be with Dom

Well you call me it, then. I'm not gonna..

Well, can you tell them they can come in for free

Well, he was born in England. No, I know. But it's like..

Well, I couldn't fill all the dates

Well, I didn't catch you. I knocked

Well, I do. Oh, sorry

Well, I don't think it warrants any formal disciplinary action

Well, I got six or seven gigs in

Well, I never actually specify whether he is a homosexual or not

Well, I was the regional manager..

Well, I'll get one of the scouts to listen to the demo

Well, not with..

Well, oh, just what David says. Oh, yeah

Well, that's what I told her

Well, we sometimes call ourselves that. Yeah

Well, yes, you. Yeah

Well, you know..

Well, you won't make any money, then

Well, you've probably never heard of him

Whassup

Whassup

Whassup..

What

What a downer. She doesn't mind me throwing money at her

What about telling sexist jokes to women

What are they called- Foregone Conclusion

What are you doing- Getting off with a bloke

What artist- Me

What car you got- Red Honda

What did you think

What did you think of the gig- I didn't see it. I was getting off..

What do you call a bloke who hangs round with musicians

What do you earn here- That's not the issue

What do you mean who does my tampons

What do you mean- Take your shirt off. Be like Beckham

What happens if you don't get a record deal

What if I did that- What if I just got off with people all the time

What if I haven't got what it takes- Yeah

What is that- Fuck knows

What is the funny bit, David

What kept you

What shall we do- Let's do, um, Ooh La La

What sort of stuff you looking for, then

What sort of tour- Showcasing the band

What we going to... Who's going to take us on

What you want- What you want- Sirry rady

What- Listen. You can't say that

What- Sting isn't cool

What- They're about..

What, combined

What, the tour- No, this

What, you just chilling out- Yeah

What's he doing

What's the definition of a glass bra- Smash and grab. Honk, honk

When do they open the doors- They're open

When he walks in, you don't know what he's gonna say,

When the next lot of work's going to come in

When was the last time you shaved your back

When you buying me dinner- Never

Where am I supposed to be- I'm just, like, in reception

Where are you going- I just..

Where is he- Maidenhead

Where's the bit about them sitting like pelicans

Where's the violence

Whereas he was just talking about boxing

Which I am, in a way

Which I certainly have. My bad. Sorry

Which is a cause very close to my heart, innit

Which is going to be a shame

Which you obviously are

Who's just totally given up on life that could make him very happy

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Why are you such a bully

Why didn't you come on

Why don't they have a drink with me after the gig

Why have they... That's..

Why you no risten, sirry rady

Willy-nilly

With the chocolate and crisps- Yeah

Work in an office

Would you like to go out for a coffee- No

Wow, great guy. Brilliant guitarist

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah- We're going on tour. Great bunch of guys

Yeah- What do you think- Oh, it's all so old-fashioned

Yeah- Yeah

Yeah, and this is my mate, Jeremy. Hi

Yeah, boom, that's perfect

Yeah, but that's different. That's bears, wolves, eagles

Yeah, but this tour of yours is over such a contained area

Yeah, come and play for us, boy

Yeah, eggs. Dan

Yeah, I am indeed

Yeah, I get a sort of adrenaline rush when I think about it

Yeah, I got a backing track. Not in this. I'll take this off

Yeah, I have to stand on the stage next to him while he's doing it

Yeah, I love the whole thing of the paraphernalia

Yeah, I've been thinking about getting a tattoo for bloody years

Yeah, let's do some... Let's do some... You know him

Yeah, pain, ain't they

Yeah, peanuts. ..and it's stuck in your teeth, is it

Yeah, they're a fiver each. Give me one. Two, tenner

Yeah, totally

Yeah, um..

Yeah, we love a loser, don't we- Yeah..

Yeah!

Yeah! Let's go and get some beers

Yeah. All right

Yeah. Back on the phone

Yeah. Bit constipated today, though

Yeah. Correctamundo

Yeah. Got all his uncle's skills. Not the sexual assault

Yeah. Make sure your clients are covered for the month

Yeah. Migrated from West Eurasia and Siberia, 15..

Yeah. Right

Yeah. So..

Yeah. Still, though, innit- Don't tell anyone about this phone call

Yeah. Yeah

Yeah. Yeah, it's a bit of a bomb site at the moment

Yeah. Yeah. Aren't you- Trying to get that done

Yeah...but when you said it, it made me think about life

Yep

Yes, please

Yes, you would be

Yes. Jezza

You all students

You are my real ****a. Stop... You don't say that

You can't have foreign players in an international team

You do like it- Yeah

You do the maths. Is the lead singer cool

You do the...judge of that when you see him

You get it- Ask me how I'm spelling comin'

You got any tattoos, David- Yeah

You had a little picnic last night, didn't you

You haven't even got any tattoos

You just got up

You know

You know what I mean- It's not like I'm going forever

You know what I'm saying

You know- I mean, I didn't know at the time he was a sales rep

You know, he was the boss at Wernham Hogg

You know, I am paying them. Tell them to have a drink with me

You know, in time for Countdown

You know, it's... It's awkward, man

You know, last night, the drive from the gig to this hotel

You know, rock 'n' roll pressures

You know, the rest of the time,

You know, we're top salesmen here

You know, you see a man that age and you think, What are you doing

You know..

You made me look, and that's what happens

You make up for in range and flexibility

You might as well stay up there, as you're on in two minutes. Really

You missing David

You OK- Yeah

You play a show, and just when you think it can't get any worse,

You probably know me as the star of the BBC Two documentary The Office,

You ready- Yeah

You remember what you said to me once

You said something about bras- Yeah, just harmless fun

You said, Come in. Yeah, sorry

You shoot a fat girl in the face with a T-shirt gun

You want to come

You were getting off with a bloke. Yeah, sure

You were part of a BBC Two documentary

You weren't embarrassed- No, because not everyone was saying that..

You're happy to propagate a stereotype of Irish people

You're just gonna paint me out to be, like, the bitch, but..

You're level with Todd Carty. OK. Wing Wah

You're my ****a. Whoa!

You're not in charge

You're on in ten minutes. You should. Right

You're smashing a woman's bra, and then you're grabbing her breasts

You're the only one who cares, if I'm being honest

You're... You're my ****a. OK- Yeah

You've got to present a certain image

Your faces..

Your lack of humour warning. HORN HONKING

10,000 songs in the palm of your hand, yeah

35. So let's make that 50, shall we

60 so far. That's good, innit

1966. Sort it out

...stay at his house because you won't sort yourself out

..all of our most embarrassing moments ever, being in bands..

..and sensitive to difference

..but I do

..but I mean, inner strength

..Foo Fighters

..gets put in to your agent, and they, um, you know, say,

..guilty

..he wants, I don't know, he's like a kid, he wants attention

..if I give him an inch, that's it

..magnified by about a hundred. Yeah

..Miriam is going to eat humble pie

..not with some middle-aged uncle at a wedding dancing around

..squirt

..we gotta be in a twin room. Sharing

# A gentle race so wild and free

# Agadoo doo doo doo

# Agadoo doo doo doo

# Ain't no trouble like trouble Yeah, yeah

# Ain't no trouble like trouble Yeah, yeah

# Almost anything X-Box, wedding ring, fish tank, terrapin

# And anyway don't assume you could

# And dwarves aren't babies

# And everybody's comin'! #

# And I headed down to Mexico way

# And I headed down to Mexico Way

# And if you are who you think you are

# And leave you there just hummin'

# And the motorway runs by your door

# And the way my life Would never be the same... #

# And you know just where you're headin'

# Anyone could put you down

# Because this is my day

# Biddly, biddly, biddly, biddly, Biddly, biddly, bong yo... #

# Black people aren't crazy

# Bought me a Chevrolet

# Bought me a Chevrolet

# But I still remember The smell of the flowers

# But I'd manage to still do

# But it would be fine

# But the scalping thing Was only when you got real mad

# But what's the use of dreams To a human being

# By going to throw a bone But just pretending to throw it

# Close to Windsor But the property's less

# Cos ain't no trouble Like losing the one you love

# Cos I could still find The odd snob to rob

# Cut down, burned out And put in cages

# Deyo, deyo, deyo, me say deyo

# Doesn't mean their sorrow doesn't show

# Don't need a heavy load

# Don't need a heavy load

# Fat people aren't lazy

# Foot down to the floor

# Foot down to the floor

# From what I see I'm sure it's hard

# Got a crazy weekend

# Half a tank should get me to Millbank

# Hard shoulder Coffee holder

# Head on a pillow Head on a pillow

# Head-butt me in the nuts if you want

# Help the awkward through a door

# Hold their hand

# How

# I can break my bones You never hear me holler

# I can lose my home I'm kicked out in the street

# I can work all day Just to earn a dollar

# I could get chucked out

# I could lose my job

# I could lose my voice

# I don't know how

# I fill her up and head down to Sidcup

# I lost my heart to a lady gypsy

# I play even harder Yeah, life kills

# I work so hard Just to pay my bills

# I'm gonna roll you over And rock you stupid

# If I am who I think I am

# If I died right then... #

# If my baby's by my side Then life is sweet... #

# If they always prove unseen

# If they've got one, understand

# It doesn't matter where you're from

# It keeps the businesses Of Britain great

# It's a beautiful day #

# It's a beautiful day. #

# It's basically a head on a pillow

# It's equidistant 'Tween London and Reading

# It's got Europe's Biggest trading estate

# It's just a meeting It's only fleeting

# It's just a pitch And then I'm up to Ipswich

# Let me take you down Equality Street... #

# Life on the road

# Life on the road

# Make death threats, yeah Then I have to guess where

# More convenient than a Tesco Express

# My kind of town

# Now I'm burnin' rubber on the M25

# Of my mum's house But it could be fun

# Oh, no, no, no

# Oh, no, no, no! #

# Oh, oh Native American

# Oh, oh Native American

# Oh, oh, don't call us Indians

# Oh, oh, don't call us Indians

# Oh, oh, Native American

# Oh, oh, oh, Slough

# Oh, oh, oh, Slough. #

# Oh, oh, your red heart rages

# Oh, please don't make fun Of the disabled

# Oh, please don't make fun Of the disableds

# Ooh la la la la la la la

# Ooh la la la la la la la

# Ooh la la la la lay

# Ooh la la la la lay

# Or mental in the legs

# Or mental in the legs... #

# Please be kind To the ones with feeble minds

# Poke me in the eyeball, pull out a gun

# Push pineapple grind coffee... #

# Push pineapple shake the tree

# Say something spiteful about my mum

# Seventy miles an hour But no more

# Seventy miles an hour But no more... #

# Singing ooh la la la

# Singing ooh la la la

# Six string in the back And a bottle of Jack

# Six string in the back And a bottle of Jack

# Sleeping rough When the sun's out

# Slough

# So

# So long ago I forget her name

# Soar like an eagle Sit like a pelican

# Soar like an eagle Sit like a pelican

# Soar like an eagle Sit like a pelican... #

# Sold my shack in Memphis

# Sold my shack in Memphis

# Some of us won't make it out alive

# Some sick rhyme damage With sign language

# Strictly business I'm killin' it in Widnes

# Tease my dog So he doesn't even know it

# Thank fuck it's Friday! #

# The station's just got a new floor

# The worst ones

# Then I gotta transform Be a better man

# Then I see this face And she smiles at me

# Then to Gloucester I get a Costa

# Then when I get there Pull out my chest hair

# There's a party in my trousers, baby

# There's nothing funny about those

# There's nothing funny about those

# They called you savages Called you bad

# They got rights

# They're not light... #

# Through a straw

# Tired of hanging out With guys twice my age

# Tired of no one reading What I'm writing on the page

# Tired of this cage Tired of not being on the stage

# We cut it off And we stole your land

# We're more like West Eurasians Crossed with Siberians

# We're more like West Eurasians crossed with Siberians. #

# Wheeler dealing no feeling

# When you lose the one you love Come on, come on

# When you lose the one you love Come on, come on... #

# Whether mental in the head

# Whether mental in the head

# White man's eyes too blind to see

# Yo, I'm tired of this minimum wage

# You came in peace Held up your hand

# You can take what's mine

# You can't just pick 'em up

# You might have to feed

# You should be above the clouds You should be a star

# You wanna work Then come along

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